How to forgive your loved (Ex?) ones and yourself

Have you ever been in love – song by Celine Dion, my favourite song. Have you ever been in love with someone who doesn’t love you anymore?

If you arrive at this point, there are very different ways of finishing a relationship; it can be very nasty or amicable, whether or not you’re the one who is instigating the split. It can be very hard, with feelings running so deep, to behave as well as we should. So, how do you move on from here? How to forgive – not just your ex but most important is yourself.

Listen to your own internal voice – dragging things out will only make it worse. When people look back on relationships that didn’t work out, how often do you hear them say, ‘You know, deep down I knew it was over when she forgot our fifth wedding anniversary’, or ‘Looking back, when he took that job even though I begged him not to, that was the beginning of the end’?

Actually we almost always do have foresight. We just don’t realize it. There’s a little voice inside us but we just don’t listen. Of course there are times you have to work and you can still reclaim a great relationship. But deep down, if only you listen, you know when the relationship has passed the point of no return.

Recognise that it takes two. Its takes two to tango, that what people used to say. There has to be responsibility on both sides when things fall apart. I’ve been through a divorce myself and although it took me a while to admit it – I now freely accept that we both played a part in allowing the relationship to deteriorate to the point where it couldn’t be salvage.

This is important because you’ll both cope with the break-up more amicably or at least less bitter if you both admit a share in the responsibility (even if you only admit it to yourself). And if you don’t recognize where you could have done things differently, you risk making the same mistakes next time you fall in love.

Keeping the moral high ground will taste a thousand times better than revenge ever would. Oh boy, is this a simple one to say and a really difficult one to live up to. No matter how rough it gets you are never going to take revenge, act badly, be very, very angry, hurt anyone, act without thinking, act rashly and be aggressive. You are going to behave honestly, decently, kindly, forgiving, nicely (whatever that means), no matter what the provocation. No matter what challenge they throw at you. No matter how unfairly they behave. No matter how badly they behave. You will no retaliate in kind. I know revenge is tempting but you don’t have to go there, because revenge is for losers. You’ll be the one with the beasts instead of the angles.

Learn what you can from what went wrong, and then get over it. I know a person whose husband left her with the children about 20 years ago, and went off with another woman. She still hasn’t forgiven him and she’s still bitter, and it’s still eating her up.

The main person she’s hurting is herself and also her children. She’s miserable and of course, single because she hasn’t let go of her marriage from all those years ago ad she can’t move on and find a happier relationship.

The important thing is learn to forgive and remember- times wait for no man. We’ve only got one life – get on with it.