Tuesday, February 24, 2009

How to forgive your loved (Ex?) ones and yourself

Have you ever been in love – song by Celine Dion, my favourite song. Have you ever been in love with someone who doesn’t love you anymore?

If you arrive at this point, there are very different ways of finishing a relationship; it can be very nasty or amicable, whether or not you’re the one who is instigating the split. It can be very hard, with feelings running so deep, to behave as well as we should. So, how do you move on from here? How to forgive – not just your ex but most important is yourself.

Listen to your own internal voice – dragging things out will only make it worse. When people look back on relationships that didn’t work out, how often do you hear them say, ‘You know, deep down I knew it was over when she forgot our fifth wedding anniversary’, or ‘Looking back, when he took that job even though I begged him not to, that was the beginning of the end’?

Actually we almost always do have foresight. We just don’t realize it. There’s a little voice inside us but we just don’t listen. Of course there are times you have to work and you can still reclaim a great relationship. But deep down, if only you listen, you know when the relationship has passed the point of no return.

Recognise that it takes two. Its takes two to tango, that what people used to say. There has to be responsibility on both sides when things fall apart. I’ve been through a divorce myself and although it took me a while to admit it – I now freely accept that we both played a part in allowing the relationship to deteriorate to the point where it couldn’t be salvage.

This is important because you’ll both cope with the break-up more amicably or at least less bitter if you both admit a share in the responsibility (even if you only admit it to yourself). And if you don’t recognize where you could have done things differently, you risk making the same mistakes next time you fall in love.

Keeping the moral high ground will taste a thousand times better than revenge ever would. Oh boy, is this a simple one to say and a really difficult one to live up to. No matter how rough it gets you are never going to take revenge, act badly, be very, very angry, hurt anyone, act without thinking, act rashly and be aggressive. You are going to behave honestly, decently, kindly, forgiving, nicely (whatever that means), no matter what the provocation. No matter what challenge they throw at you. No matter how unfairly they behave. No matter how badly they behave. You will no retaliate in kind. I know revenge is tempting but you don’t have to go there, because revenge is for losers. You’ll be the one with the beasts instead of the angles.

Learn what you can from what went wrong, and then get over it. I know a person whose husband left her with the children about 20 years ago, and went off with another woman. She still hasn’t forgiven him and she’s still bitter, and it’s still eating her up.

The main person she’s hurting is herself and also her children. She’s miserable and of course, single because she hasn’t let go of her marriage from all those years ago ad she can’t move on and find a happier relationship.

The important thing is learn to forgive and remember- times wait for no man. We’ve only got one life – get on with it.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Green Salad Rice

Last night, I prepared very simple and healthy meals for few friends. I enjoy being in the kitchen, not just cooking but the whole process itself – from choosing and buying the ingredients, cleaning and preparing the vegetables, of course the cooking, up to table setting, eating the food and all the way to clearing the table plus washing up the plates and utensils.

In Thai language it is known as ‘Khau Jump’ (Pronounce as cow-jump), literally translate as ‘rice with sliced vegetables’ but I re-branded it as 'green salad rice' because the rice is green colour.

Very simple to cook but the main ingredients are very difficult to find, almost impossible to buy over here in KL. It contains of about 15 – 20 different types of leaves, pound and juice. Cook the rice with the juice and add in ‘daun pandan' and 'limau purut’ leaves.

Mix all sliced vegetables, 'kerisik' plus dash of black pepper, fish sauce with the green rice and ready to go!

Slice the raw vegetables - daun kelsom, long bean, cucumber, serai, angle bean, big onion, bunga kantan & ulam raja. I love to add bean sprout as well.

My improvised organic version of 'bubur cha-cha' - tapioca, Japanese sweet potatoes, black-eye beans, sago, ? (the coloured stuff?, not organic at all) and cocunut milk.

Table set for 5.

One for the album - Jamie, Kae Ling and Ming.

Chilled Sake, home-made apple dessert wine and fruits end the evening.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

The Secret of ‘The Secret’

Most of us still remember how ‘The Secret’ (book as well as DVD) swept our shores (not to mention the rest of the world), such a phenomena, big time, not long ago, and probably still is. Everyone wanted to know The Secret – how to be have everything you ever wanted!

So many people are missing the whole picture because it is so simple. The bottom line is if we can relax our body and mind enough to focus our thoughts and use vivid visualization, we can perform miracles.

Lets put it this way, everything has a frequency, vibration, beat or cycle. Mother Earth goes around the sun every 365 days, 6 hours. The Moon goes around Earth every 28 days.

Human heart beats about 70 times a minute. According to my research (and my personal understanding) human brain also has a frequency, beat or cycle. The brain frequency is separated into 4 parts – Delta (0.5 – 3 beats per second), Theta (4 – 7 beats per second), Alpha (8 – 14 beats per second) and Beta (15 beats and above per second).

In energy healing, Delta and Theta are known as the ‘Land of the Shaman’, Alpha is the ‘Land of the Spirit’ and Beta is the ‘Land of the Living Dead’.

In our normal state during the day, our brain is emitting about 20 beats per second – Beta state. We can be in Alpha state by relaxing the body and mind – doing meditation.

The basic idea is the future is composed of thoughts not yet materialized. We have the choice to create our future or let it be created by our indecision. We have created our present thought, decisions and actions or by their absence. By the same method, or lack of it, we create out future. We have a choice of which future we create. There are probably infinite possible futures for us, all dependent upon our thoughts and actions.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Speaking of Love

Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself;
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.

When you love you should not say ‘God is in my heart’ but rather ‘I am in the heart of God’.
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, direct your course.
Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires;
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love’s ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

Thursday, February 5, 2009


An excellent general warm up exercise, consisting of 12 different positions; full-body warm-ups that build heat and set the pace, breathing rhythms and flow of your yoga practice. They bring your focus further inward and ignite the healing heat inside.

Surya Namaskara mobilise the musculature of the body, get the heart pumping, boost circulation and prepare the body for the entire practice by taking each joint thorough its full range of motion.

Very often the first 10 minutes of Surya Namaskara will be filled with resistance. They may feel hard and uncomfortable but if you keep moving through the poses and breathing in a conscious way, something will suddenly shift and you will enter a flow, a zone! At certain times you just don’t feel ‘into it’, but if you do it anyway, the energy shift. You move to a new place and space, and suddenly you forget all the reasons why it was so hard at first and just start flowing.

If you get an attack of doubt, just remember : You don’t have to like it right in this moment, you just need to it. Yoga practice is not always easy, but it is always necessary.

The 'Needs' and 'Wants'

What I want? What I need? Do I want what I need? Do I need what I want?

I want to be healthy.
I need to watch what I eat plus daily yoga dosage.

I want to be happy.
I need to discover who I am.

I want best friends.
I need to be with good company.

I want to love and to be loved.
I need an open heart.

I want to relax.
I need to meditate.

I want a holiday.
I need to slow down.

I want to be beautiful.
I need self confidence.

I want more money.
I need to be more prudent with my money.

I want to be free.
I need to learn how to forgive.

I want a house at Janda Baik, big compound with 1 dozen of dogs and cats.
I need a sanctuary, a home, with Beanie and Missy.

I want a silver SLK.
What I need is a kind of transportation, Kelisa will do.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Love = Cinta = Sayang

What is TIME

You would measure time the measureless and the immeasurable.
You would adjust your conduct and even direct the course of your spirit according to hours and seasons.
Of time you would make a stream upon whose bank you would sit and watch its flowing.
Yet the timeless in you is aware of life's timelessness.
And knows that yesterday is but to-day's memory and to-morrow it to-day's dream.
And that which sings and contemplates in you is still dwelling within the bounds of the first moment which scattered the stars into space.
Who among you does not feel that his power to love is boundless?
And yet who does not feel that very love, through boundless, encompassed within the centre of his being, and moving not from love thought to love thought, nor from deeds to other love deeds?
And is not time even as love is, undivided and paceless?
But if in your thought you must measure time into seasons, let each season encircle all the other seasons.
And let to-day embrace the past with remembrance and the future with longing.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Tension = Backache

Why does tension attack the back? And why does tension take up ‘residence’ in the very specific place (between the shoulder blades up to the base of the neck)? After so many years of practising and teaching Yoga, what I can say that emotional, physical and postural tensions are the main culprits.

Tension can be emotional. Tension in the back is directly related to the state of MIND. Automatically, when we’re upset, we curl up. This posture takes a lot of effort, straining and fatiguing the muscles in your upper back and neck. The longer you despair, the more strained and tired those muscles get. And worse, the muscles in front of your chest will begin to shorten, pulling you even lover. It’s no accident of language that I refer to an unhappy person as being ‘down’.

I’m going to tell you something shocking – unhappy people are prone to injury and illness. Nearly 80% of all the physical problems I encounter are related, directly or indirectly, to tension and pressure. No matter what I do to unlock the body or show how successful I am in restoring function, sooner or later, she/he are going to come back unless she/he gets a handle on life. I’m not saying that getting happy will guarantee a lifetime of health and injury-free, but it helps. Big time.

Tension can be physical. The emotional aspect of carrying tension between the shoulder blades is not the only culprit. Fitness or lack thereof, plays an even bigger role.

When your back is pain, your abdominal muscles are the suspected cause. Weak abs cause the pelvis to be unstable, so the back (all the way from sacrum to the skull) has to compensate to keep our body balanced and erect in posture. But without the assistance of supporting abdominal muscles, your struggling back becomes very unstable.

While the problem originates at your pelvis, it qualifies as a full-blown disaster by the time it reaches your head. Weighing between 3.6 – 5.4kg, the head is pretty heavy! When the abdominal muscles are weak and the back is struggling to compensate, that heavy head pulls the spine forwards. Shoulder follow suits as the front of the shoulder foreshorten and collapse. This sag may be subtle at first, but it doesn’t take long for the upper back, designed to stabilize, to become fatigued from trying to support weight.

A strong, fit body ensures that all your muscles are doing their jobs and that they are sparing your back from having to compensate.

Tension can be postural. People can even make tension between shoulders worse by postural mistakes.

When you sleep on your side with a pillow that fails to support your head and neck, you collapse your lower shoulder, folding it towards your chest and straining the muscles in your back for hours.

When you work at your desk, you sit and pull all your action in front of you, so that you reach out and down towards the desk – and your upper back is stressed.

When you drive, you reach forwards and up to steer – and your upper back is stressed.

When you eat, your plate is on the table in front of you, so you reach down and towards it – and your upper back is stressed.

Add personal tension to biomechanical mistakes and long-term fatigue, and you have a knotted, cramped upper back.

When those muscles between the shoulder blades become fatigued, they begin to shut down in a process that is like strangulation; the area were deprived of oxygen, as blood flow is slowly squeezed off when tissue constrict. Fresh oxygenated blood not only carry oxygen to muscles but it also helps to carry away metabolic waste generated (like lactic acid) when muscles fire.

While many back problems originate in that upper back zone, they don’t necessarily stay there. Just when you thought you couldn’t be more locked up and incapacitated, this pain sneaks down to your lower back to hobble your step, creeps up your neck to inflict a world-class tension headache or radiates down your arms in an exhausting ache or shooting pain.

Back and shoulder problems aren’t always the result of a postural imbalance or an incorrect performed exercise; sometimes the root cause can be a lot deeper.