Criticism

I have two principal ways of discovering the areas where I fail to see myself. The 1st is acknowledging the qualities in others which irritate me, 2nd is recognizing the comments that make me defensive.

All I have to do to discover what annoys me in other people’s behavior is to review my latest encounters, but I have more difficulty recognizing when I am defensive.

I can identify it best by the following syndrome :

I answer quickly;
I feel in need of talking at length, and impatient when interrupted;
I explain;
I try to persuade;
But I feel frustrated even if I appear to be succeeding, as if the damage has already done;
I think hurriedly and I feel a strong resistance to pausing and considering as if something will be lost if I do this;
My face feels fixed and serious;
I usually avoid eye contact immediately after hearing the comment;
I am incapable of taking the comment any way but seriously; the words never seem light or funny to me.

When my reaction becomes apparent to the people present, they often take the situation lightly. I feel somewhat misunderstood and misused.

Now that I know that when I critise other I am seeing my own fault, I like to be very honest and very specific in my criticism. After I get it straight how I think this fault works in someone else, I can then look at my own behavior with a surprising new clarity.

This way of critising works best when I do it SILENTLY!